Bouncing Back From Tough Times
Adversity and tragedy visit all of us at various points in our lives. Some people never recover, yet others adapt and move forward. Psychologists attribute this adaptability to resilience, an important quality of behaviors, thoughts, and actions that can be learned and developed by anyone.
Resilience is an effective tool for dealing with the personal problems that often accompany fibromyalgia. It can help a person bounce back from a professional setback at a job, or a very personal loss; such as the death of a loved one, or even a very public loss; such as a political election. In fact, Abraham Lincoln suffered all those losses in just three years. Yet he bounced back with a successful bid for a seat in Congress. His resilience was tested again when he lost five more elections over a 10-year period, before becoming president in 1861.
Lincoln had an ability to rebound even though life handed him an avalanche of personal and professional setbacks, and his resilience is something that more of us could use in our lives, says the American Psychological Association. Based on research showing a lack of public knowledge about resilience, the APA has developed a program to help people learn to use this valuable skill.
"This resiliency campaign is about people learning that they can be in control of traumatic experiences and that they don't have to be outdone by trauma or fall apart," explains psychologist Jana Martin, Ph. D. Based in Long Beach, Martin conducts stress management workshops for many businesses and schools in the Los Angeles area. She also is president of the California Psychological Association, and noted that not only can resilience be learned--it's contagious.
"If people see others taking care of themselves and dealing with trauma, they seem to be motivated by that and draw strength from it," Martin explains.
Studies show that the first key to resilience is maintaining caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models, and offer encouragement and reassurance will help bolster a person's resilience. But those relationships shouldn't isolate a people from their feelings.
"When people face a traumatic situation and they feel sad or mad or distressed or helpless, it doesn't mean that they are not resilient, or can't be, Martin explains. "Resilience is adapting to trauma. We need to encourage each other in those strengths."
Martin observes that many people get distracted by the daily routine and stress of life, and don't recognize their own resilience. We often don't take stock of this resource, nor do we recognize acts of resilience by others, or ourselves no matter how small. "People like to be acknowledged," says Martin.
When the demands pile up, such as those experienced by fibromyalgia sufferers, the situation may precipitate an anxiety disorder. "A person feels that they are unable to cope with the demands," says Martin, "and it leads to destructive thought processes like ‘What if I don't do this?' or ‘What if I fail?'"
"It's important to note that some people need help in order to learn resiliency," adds Martin. "It doesn't come naturally, and people can get discouraged and think they are falling apart and that something must be wrong with them. But they can learn the strategies to resist those bad thoughts."
Following are the APA's ten strategies for developing resilience. An online interactive exercise for building resilience is at http://www.helping.apa.org/, and a free brochure is available by calling (800) 964-2000.
1. Make connections. Good relationships with close family members, friends, or others are important. Accept help and support from those who care about you. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.
2. Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.
3. Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.
4. Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals.
5. Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.
6. Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss.
7. Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.
8. Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
9. Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.
10. Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing.
