Guidelines for Improving Communication
The key is ongoing communication. Saying something once is not sufficient. Even if the outcomes of your conversations are not what you desire, do not give up—but rather try again, possibly approaching the issue in a different way.
- Tell others what you can and cannot do.
- Inform them that the severity of your pain varies, even if it is never completely gone.
- Tell them in a friendly way what kind of help you expect and why.
- Tell them when they are doing something well!
- Do not be scared to report if things are going a little better.
- Make it clear that you can and will be positive, despite the pain. A pleasant disposition does not mean, however, that you do not have any pain.
- Tell loved ones that you might sometimes take your angry feelings out on them. Ask for their understanding.
- Give a short answer to the question, "How are you feeling?" Then inquire how the other person is doing. Show interest in others.
- Talk regularly, not just when your pain is most intense. Make your problems, fears, and uncertainties clear to trusted people.
- Do not have an important discussion or make important decisions when your pain is at its worst. It is only when things have settled down that you will be able to make clear what you can and cannot do, and in which ways you want to be helped.
- Do not make the pain or discomfort obvious by groaning, sighing, or grimacing. This makes others scared and insecure, brings up guilt and inferiority feelings, and spoils the atmosphere. Be direct in telling people how you are feeling.
Ask for acceptance for the sadness and anger that you feel. You have to experience a grieving process for all the things you feel you have lost due to your pain and physical limitations.